Momentum
by Kinishinaii
Summary: after it happened, everything changed for Takao Kazunari, and only with the help of a mysterious boy with a bandaged arm will he be able to put himself back together again. The sort of kinda continuation of One Day More. [midotaka] [this is rated M for trigger warnings: suicide, death, trauma in general] [bad summary is bad I am so sorry]
1. Impossible

_"The worst wounds, the deadliest of them, aren't the ones people see on the outside. They're the ones that make us bleed internally." _

* * *

_ - Melancholy (noun) - a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no oblivious cause. - _

The question of "What is death?" is not one normally asked or even presented to kids until they are much older than is probably necessary. It is a phrase that's skirted around as much as possible, leaving time for ridiculous theories such as "It's a place in the sky" or "A really long nap" to become realities.

Takao Kazunari has never been one to think about stuff like that. He had never considered himself an unhappy person, because he wasn't. Happiness didn't have anything to do with it, but more the absence of happiness, the absence of everything, that did. It was only after it happened. After it, the world turned a few degrees the other way; still the one he knew but not quite the same anymore regardless. He was stuck in that world a few degrees off while everyone else lived on the real earth. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when it hit him, but it sure felt like a ton of bricks when it did. The depression, that is.

It came and went in waves, ebbing and flowing against the shore slowly eroding away at his conscience. Everyone noticed, or at least to him it seemed that way. Then again, looking back on it, he might have just been being paranoid.

But if someone had told him he would end up in a place like this because of "feeling a little blue" sometimes, he would never believe them. Never. Things like that didn't happen to people like him.

_Because that was impossible…right?_

* * *

_This cannot be happening, this cannot be happening, this cannot be happening-_

"Mr. Takao?"

The voice came from behind him, sharp and yet gentle. He released the grip he had on his palms and relaxed his hand muscles as much as possible. "Y-Yes?"

The doctor shuffled around the counter for a moment, "Do you have any history of pre-existing medical conditions or are taking any prescription medications?"

"Not that I know of uh-"

"Is there a history of medical or mental illness in your family?"

"I-I'm not sure-"

"Very good."

Takao stuttered for a few seconds, the words sitting on the edge of his tongue. I don't know the answers to these questions! Ask my parents! The doctor finally moved away from the counter he was facing away from and strode a few steps to stand in front of him. He was average height, with black messy hair and angular blue eyes. The whole aura of him seemed to radiate authority. It was enough to make Takao want to sink into the exam room chair he was sitting in and disappear forever. How did this happen again?

It's all your fault.

No it's not!

Yes it is.

"So now I get to ask you the real questions." The doctor spoke again. The nurse had taken him to what was labeled "Exam Room 3" and yet he couldn't help but feel it was more of one used for interrogation rather than medical examinations.

"I'm not sure if we ever were properly introduced. I'm Dr. Kasamatsu. We meet a number of days ago, although I don't expect you to remember it."

"I…sorry. I don't."

"It's alright, I understand." Dr. Kasamatsu paused for a moment, shifting his weight, "Now I'm just going to ask you a series of simple questions and I want you to answer with all honesty Kazunari. Are you comfortable with that name?"

"Uh yeah, it's…fine."

What a straightforward guy. Maybe he's not so bad.

"First of all, can you tell me why you're here?"

Immediately, Takao felt his stomach role. _Why am I here?_ Doesn't he know that already? He bit his bottom lip, tearing at the already chapped surface.

"Well I uh, tried to…kill uh myself." He laughed nervously, trying not to sound completely idiotic. He reached up and rubbed the back of his head with his hand, slowly.

"I mean…" he pointed to the thick bandages covering his left arm from wrist to elbow "Isn't it kind of obvious?" The forced laughter wouldn't stop, and eventually he forced his head down to stare at his bare feet dangling off the edge of the table._ Is it really that funny to me? _

If Kasamatsu made any reaction, he didn't see it.

"How long have you had these suicidal feelings?"

He finally dropped his hand from the back of his head, letting it flop on across leg, bandage a stark white against even the pale gown. _When did it start?_

_A month ago?_

_A year? Two?_

How long have I lived like this?

"I'm not sure actually." the words came out softer than he intended, almost more to himself than the doctor. "Is that you're answer?" Takao nodded once, twice, watching a single section of hair fall across his eyes in repeated succession. _Am I gonna get a shower soon? I wonder._

"How long have you been here?"

"Here as in this room, or here as in the hospital?"

"The hospital you dum-" Almost like he was catching himself from saying something he might regret, Takao noticed how the doctor's voice had risen for a split second.

"You were asking for that one."

"Will you please answer the question."

He hesitated, unsure of how to answer. All the memories of the whole week seemed messy, blurred like a picture with water spilled across it's surface until it was more a jumble of colors and shapes than moments in time. "4 days?"

Kasamatsu sighed lightly and picked up the clipboard that had been hanging in his hand at his side for the past few minutes, scribbling something down in a hurry.

He didn't wanna know what it said. _It's better off not knowing anything at all. At least then they can't get to me_. He itched slightly at his sleeve subconsciously. _That's right. Everyone is better off not knowing._

The questioning continued on as it had before - Dr. Kasamatsu going through a cycle of deadpanned to annoyed and Takao trying not to either laugh awkwardly or mutter his answers. Finally he was released to a nurse standing outside the door who handed him a blue robe to put on.

"I'll need to talk to your parents now." he thought he heard the doctor mutter something to the nurse about being 'especially difficult' but then again, his paranoia always had a way of sneaking in at the most inconvenient times.

After hearing the nurse laugh and say something reassuring (at least he thinks it was reassuring), he followed him back down the hallway they had come from before.

Takao had never taken time to really observe the hospital he had been staying in, but he also hadn't left the small room on the fifth floor since he had been admitted. The hallways were mostly bare, a few sparse paintings of boring landscapes or flower vases filled with overly colorful flowers decorated the walls of a select few. The floor was entirely too shiny, and the harsh lights reflected in long rectangles down every passageway. The nurse arrived at the elevator. It was a different one they had taken before. Glancing at the placard next to the elevator doors he read,

_"4th - Long Term Treatment"_

_"5th - Psychiatric Ward"_

Glancing slightly down at the shorter nurse he tried to sound as upbeat as possible and asked, "What's long term treatment for?"

"Any kind of disease or condition that requires extended attention."

"So like, cancer?"

"Exactly."

The doors to the elevator opened. Takao stared down at the crack between the floor he stood on and the elevator. Beyond that it was all empty space, a simple shaft meant to simply carry life from floor to floor. _Kind of like me I guess._

Stepping inside, he was surprised he didn't notice someone else was standing there to begin with. Looking back now, it was easy to see how caught up he was in his own world, how he didn't pay attention to anything else besides himself. At the time anyway.

"Ah Midorima, are you here today for treatment? I haven't seen you in a while it must be going well."

"It's all fine. I'm alright."

Glancing up Takao could catch a glimpse of darkly tinted hair, the shiny black frame of glasses, thick long lashes, but most of all the thick bandages covering all over his left arm.

_Hey it's…_

The elevator door opened, and the boy left, disappearing out of sight from the doorframe.

_He's…_

Takao wanted to chase after him, to grab his arm and ask all the stupid questions about it he could think of. He just needed to know. Because this...this was the first time. This was the first time in a long time he had felt something that wasn't numb. Looking down at his own bandaged left arm, he couldn't stop the feeling welling in his chest.

_He's just like me._

Maybe he wasn't completely alone after all.

* * *

**oh so hi there! yeeeah this was really rough i'm aware, but i PROMISE i know where this story is going just..ignore this sort of awkward start okay? (╯_╰)**

**so this fic is somewhat connected to One Day More (aokise, my heart still hurts from writing this tbh) as in it has the same characters, situations, circumstances, etc. and to answer what some of you might be wondering: YES there will be a kagakuro version, just give me time I already had enough trouble getting this one started ahh**

**i have a few other fics in the works at the moment (namely a new aoki ufufufu) so this will not update probably as regularly as i would like it to but i promise i will do my best! ｡◕‿◕｡**

*****THE QUOTE DOES NOT BELONG TO ME, IT IS FROM INFAMOUS BY SHERRILYN KENYON*****


	2. Careless

_"Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying."_

* * *

He had always disliked hospitals. Ever since he was little he could remember the idea of them being unpleasant; distant and cold. Then again it could have been some kind of personal bias. After all, he had spent most of his life frequenting one. He had always been sick when he was younger, name any childhood disease and he had them all most likely at some point or another. He had what the doctors liked to call "the immune system of a fish", a.k.a. a non-existent one.

Maybe it wasn't fair to say he hated hospitals. More so that he hated the things that happened inside them.

Being alive was a horribly messy business, and dying was an even messier one.

The routine had been the same for a while now: live a normal life for two weeks, hospital, normal life for two weeks, hospital. It had been that way for a long time, if asked exactly when it became so monotonous, he didn't know an answer.

"Ah Midorima, are you here for treatment? I haven't seen you in a while it must be going well."

_Why do people say such careless things?_

"It's alright. I'm fine."

It's not alright. I'm not fine. How could anyone like me ever be "fine?"

The nurse was saying something else but he wasn't paying attention anymore. Midorima had seen him around the hospital a few times over the past few months, he must be fairly new to think that things "must be going well". Things weren't going well. They also weren't going badly either. Nothing had really changed in the past two years at all actually.

The elevator doors opened, finally. He stepped out, letting his feet take him on the route he knew so well simply as a force of habit. He had walked down this hallway on Ward 4 so many times over the past year, and yet he still felt the same thing this time as he did the first: fear.

It was an irrational one, he knew that. An irrational phobia that something would go wrong this time, or that it had gotten worse and he would have to keep coming back for more than just another six months.

That was all he really wanted. To get out. He wanted to walk through those doors for the last time without worrying about when he was going to have to come back. Normally someone would have come with him, his mom or dad. But he was almost nineteen now, maybe it was time to start facing it by himself.

_That's right. I can do this._

He slowed down subconsciously as he neared the door.

_Breathe._

This was fine. It was all fine. There really isn't anything to worry about. It's just another treatment that's all. _Breathe. Let it go._

He reached out with his one good hand left and twisted the knob slowly, stepping into the room labeled "Chemotherapy Room 2"

* * *

"Kagami-kun you shouldn't eat so fast,"

"Don't tell me what to do."

"You're gonna get sick!"

"Oi Kise are you gonna eat that?"

"Don't be rude."

"I'm not!"

I see they haven't changed at all since last time. He set down the usual black coffee and glanced around at the table. The cafeteria at the hospital seemed especially vacant today, with just a few wandering patients wandering to the different stations and some nurses on standby. And then there was them. He shut his eyes, knowing their voices by memory.

"Tetsu, are you gonna eat that?" That was Kagami opposite him.

"If you're still hungry then go get more food!" Kise to the right.

"Here, I lost my appetite." Kuroko diagonally across.

They never stopped talking, those three. He found it miraculous he was even able to be considered one of their friends when he could hardly get a word in edgewise. Not that he really wanted to anyway.

_Wait, isn't it unusually…quiet?_

Opening his eyes again he was greeted with three identical gazes staring at him, half filled with concern and the other half filled with apprehension.

"What is it now?" He muttered, feeling his glasses slip down his face and adjusting them with a push of his fingers.

"Are you okay?" The question came from Kise, whose voice could drop to a deceivingly low volume when he was serious. Why are you concerned about me? Midorima didn't know the full rundown of Kise's history, but he did know this was his second time out of remission and that it was a miracle the brain tumor had let him live this long.

"I'm just fine."

"Are you sure?" Kagami leaned forward onto his elbows, eyebrows drawn together "You're really pale-"

"I said I'm fine."

Kagami had some kind of blood cancer that made him especially prone to infection. Most of the time he wasn't even allowed to leave his room and the fact that he was even sitting at the table proved he must be improving.

It would be a lie to say he wasn't a little bit jealous about that.

Kuroko continued to stare at him for a few moments before finally relaxing looking down at the table. This seemed to put the other two at ease as well, for the time being at least. With Kuroko the details were still fuzzy. Whatever had happened to him prevented the use of his legs. He had been in a wheelchair since the first time they'd met.

_Do I even really know these people?_

There were so many things he didn't know, even the simple things as to why they ended up in the long term treatment ward. _Why don't I know these things?_

"Hey if you're gonna say you're fine don't go around looking depressed, got it?" Kise nudged his elbow and beamed that million dollar smile. It really was a shame. With looks like he had Kise could have really made a name for himself.

"I'm not depressed. Just tired."

"Hmmmm that's a lie."

"It's not a lie, stupid!"

Kise and Kagami both laughed and Kuroko smiled faintly and shook his head.

_Idiots._

"That sounds more like the Midorima we know!" Kagami said between his laughs which began to slowly turn into ragged sounding coughs.

The cough rapidly got worse. Kise stopped laughing. One of the nurses close by came to help and drag Kagami back to his room.

That was how their lunch together ended. Getting sick in the middle of meals wasn't exactly uncommon. But if there was one thing Midorima could never understand it was the fact that they could all gloss over it so effortlessly.

After a few minutes Kise got up and said he wasn't hungry anymore, sulking off in the direction of the residential rooms.

"He'll be alright. I think he still gets a little shellshocked despite himself." Kuroko said once the other had disappeared through the double doors. His eyes slid to Kuroko who was sipping at a bottle of apple juice. It was a little scary how that ghost of a boy could read people so easily.

"Doesn't matter to me." he replied, trying to sound as steady as possible. They sat that way for a few minutes in silence until Kuroko abruptly unlocked the wheels to his chair and pushed away from the table.

"Midorima?"

"What?"

"It appears you have a stalker."

"Huh?!"

The nod the other gave to look behind him was almost imperceptible. "Don't look to fast, you might scare him." and then with a few rolls of his hands on wheels and he was gone.

_A…what?_

Taking Kuroko's advice and slowly turning his head to look to the tables behind him he found no one, but then out of the corner of his eye there was a tumble of dark hair and flickering eyes that immediately shifted when they made contact.

_Well someone's definitely…there._

He shifted his head a little more until he had turned almost completely around. Yes there he was, slightly floppy hair and slightly angular eyes looking everywhere in the room except at him.

_Do I know him?_

The boy seemed vaguely familiar. Maybe it was just his striking face that made him stand out but it was almost like one you would see in the background of a picture or a glimpse in a dream, not quite there and still memorable.

And it was in just the briefest of moments that their eyes met, and in that single second Midorima could have sworn that strange boy smiled at him.

* * *

**ahh finally i got something else written for this. i'm very sorry of midorima seems terribly ooc, i promise i attempted to not completely fail but well this happened (⊙︿⊙✿****)**

**anyway i hope that the backstories aren't too confusing or vague (really they go more in depth in One Day More and i kept forgetting that this story is separate and almost forgot to put them in there oops) but yeah i promise that there will be some actual plot and substance after this, i really wanted to set everything up from both sides before the story proceeded! **

**as always thank you to everyone who reads/follows/favs/reviews you are all sweetie pies *✧₊✪͡◡ू✪****͡**


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